Week 5 with Master Key Experience #MKE

To observe without opinions

In this week we are exercising to be the observer without having any opinion. It is challenging for me, my old way of thinking is usually active in my daily life. I am getting aware of how I often react instinctively at things happening. It is like I am in a certain field of feelings and I respond in a certain way.

It could be my own thoughts, it is where I usually go, what I usually do. What kind of thoughts, feelings and behaviour I mostly have. Like I go to a certain place with a certain feeling. I do this repeatedly over and over again. Some things I do every day and other things occur every week. It is a pattern.

I am not really open and present right here right now. It is how I react upon my inner thoughts and at people and ongoing things in the surroundings. It is like a connection where old patterns makes me respond as I always do. I feel that my autopilot have been dominatinating my life for a very long time. Now I am getting more conscious about my normal, most common posture.

The exercise helps me to be attentive to what I think and what I feel. This response comes from my thoughts and the surroundings. If I am in the presence I can choose how I respond to it. It is like to turn off the autopilot and take charge in drivers seat.

I went down to my horse, Subby. We had been doing our daily walks for a few weeks now and we were in a clearly better condition than when we started. Our connection followed the same track. It was better but there were still a lot of improvement that needed to be done.

We started to walk when Subby stopped after a short time. I looked at him and he said; Come on, jump up.
I did not answer him clearly, I just thought . . . really ? Is it the right time for this now ? I found myself on his back and felt some uncertainty.

Subby started to walk and suddenly we were in a water pipe. What was this ? Subby moved forward and there were a lot of things hanging from the ceiling and the sides. They were muddy. They looked like the plants hanging on the trees in a swamp.
One touched my shoulder and dissolved. This place clearly needed a thorough cleaning. It was a net of pipes. Like the branches of a tree.

Subby moved forward and followed one pipe going to the right. We passed pipes going in all directions and angles. As soon as I came in contact with the hanging mud it dissolved. Subby stopped and we looked into a pipe that was completely clogged. It was a hard surface on it. Here it was not possible to pass through. We continued further into the net and I got the feeling we were getting closer to the center.

Subby increased his speed and jumped over a high treshold. Now this was something completely different. The pipes in the net were strong and clean. They looked brand new and had a shimmering light at the surface. The energyflow was vibrant. We were close to the source. This felt good, the same net but another unit. We felt alive here, our energy was high and now we looked and smiled to each other for the first time in a long time.

We started to walk back and I was almost in a state of schock. I remembered now. I felt the energy on the way out. There it was. As a child I used to play here with some playmates. When we first got in I did not recognize the place because It was in such bad condition. Now I knew where I would live in the future. Closer to the source.

Week 4 with Master Key Experience #MKE

To subdue one habit with another. Change habits. Make new patterns. This week have been challenging. I am increasing the effort to overcome my resistance. I am moving myself forward. I have increased my activities. I have changed my thoughts. A little. It is a step in the right direction. This means also that I have been able to change my emotional mode consciously. I feel good about that.

In this weeks webinar we could see (400 of us doing this Master Key Experience and we all post blogs) how our thoughts and feelings create peptides in our brain. To make it more simple I just call it a chemical reaction. These peptides need to be fed with the same signals and chemicals that created them.

If I have a pattern, let us say that I feel fear, anger, sadness, nervous or any emotional state, every day. I have done this for the last 30 years. Then I need this flush of emotions to calm down. Even if it is pain in my body. If I am used to have it, my subconscious mind will create new pain for me. Because I believe it belongs to me. If I have had pain in my body for as long as I can remember then it have become a part of my identity. Like a living entity. So if the pain level is getting lower my subconscious will create new pain for me so that I can calm down. I feel secure with it. Now the situation is normal I tell myself. Pain is there. Everything is normal. I am familiar with it.

Now I talked about pain as an example. I could replace it with fear or any other feeling that in my opinion has a depressing effect on the body. My identity is created of this recognition and memory. This could be feelings, actions and patterns creating our life.

I experience that when I challenge it, it feels threatened and tries even stronger to manifest itself. Is it necessary to replace one pain with another ? Whats the point with this ? There is no point with it. No one at all. The point is to replace the fear, pain, anger, sorrow and so on with purpose, satisfaction, passion, joy, happiness, love and beauty. That must be the recognition. To create and build new bioneuorological pathways.

I have lived my life reactive based on fear. A fearbased reactive life. I take it all in here and now. I inhale it and suck it down into the fat of my bone marrow. It has been there all my life so it is necessary to go there. I respect it. It is powerful. There is a reason for it being there. Need to respect that. I accept and understand. Everything has an end.

There is a big important difference now, the new Me rejects this ! ! ! My new Me embrace my old blueprint, takes a firm grip, use all my powers and strength and throw it out. Get out ! ! !

Time to celebrate 🙂

The old patterns and memories left some energy in my body even I threw them out. They are not stupid. I need to repeat this over and over again. I know.

My first steps are careful. Little unsecure. Other memories comes up to surface. I adapt quickly. In this memory I am not connected to fear. The older memories helps me to walk with confidence. I remember now.

I went down to Subby, my horse. We went out for a walk. This week we have been walking every day. I feel better and Subby too. A little more confident. Our breathing capacity is increasing. We want to walk daily now. Our connection is getting stronger. There are moments when we look at each other and feel connected. We are not yet ready to ride. We made a try a few weeks ago and I almost fell off.

We both need to be in better condition before I sit up and ride Subby. This walks is good exercise for us. Our bodys and abilitys are getting stronger. Sometimes I get a bit withdrawn, introvert and lose the presence.

When I look up I find that Subby have left the path and walked into the forest where the terrain makes the walk difficult. It also happens that I find us in a marsh where we get lost from our pathway. It takes time and effort to find our way back to the path in that moments. It is a struggle when it happens. We exercise this now.

We need to keep ourselves more effortless on the path before it is time for a ride. It happens more often now that we are looking at the horizon at the same time.

Today we kept us on the path. I feel satisfied about that. Subby like it too. It feels important because we relax, our steps are easier, we move smoother. My thoughts get clearer. Subby nods to me, he is pleased with it. Now we are back home again. It was a good day. Time to rest and we are just waiting for our walk tomorrow.

Week 3 with Master Key Experience #MKE

Knock, Knock ! There is somebody at the door. It is me. What do I want ?

Week 3 and I am working on to create new habits. Better habits than before. Important to celebrate each step too.
Actually it is we doing it. Me and the other 400 students in the course. All of us do blogs as a part of Master Key Experience.

I explain my understanding in this presence. I pick one part here now. One of the tasks we are doing is to put up a chore on chorecard. On top of it I write;
I promise to……then I write the chore, let say……clean out papers at my desk……at a certain date, always sunday…..October 14. I mark it with a red circle this week. In the bottom I write; I always keep my promises…..then I sign with my name Per-Olof Söderblom.

I decided this chore at October 7. Three times a day I read it out loud with enthusiasm. At the same time I read out loud last weeks chore that was to clean my car that I did. This is marked with a blue rectangle. It feels good, because this was something I thought I would do for a long time but never did.
There is a continuity in this and I experience some positive change in myself. I read it louder than before, I start to believe in it. My confidence is slightly better. It feels good. I absorbe the the feeling of satisfaction. This was something I did now, but earlier wanted to do for a long time and did not do. It is good. I like it.

So it is a kind of celebration. I connect something that I planned to do and then did. I remind myself and my subconscious mind, Subby about it and I celebrate it. Woohoo, yippie I cleaned the car. It is a bit funny and at the same time it is not. Because Subby does not know the difference if I have broken the world record or cleaned the car. If I put the same amount of joy, enthusiasm and feeling of successful victory Subby does not know the difference.

The main question is;
What do I want ?
If I want help from my subconscious mind I have to be crystal clear. Because Subby do not do vague.
What am I going to do ? Where am I going to do it ? When ? How long ? Income ? How ? What do I need to give up to make this a reality ? How does that feel ? Subby wants to know this. Subby wants crystal clear. How does that feel me living my dream and inner desire ? Specificity.

It is a drawing. To give a picture let say this is a drawing of a bridge. Where is this bridge going ? It is going to a place where I want to be, where I live the life of my dreams. Where my life has a purpose. If I drop this drawing on the street, anybody who pick it up would be able to build the bridge from the instructions on the drawing. This is how specific I must be to get my subconscious mind working to make this a reality.

I went down to the cellar and took out my horse. He was a bit reserved and we started to walk. Suddenly he stopped and turned his head away from me. He did not want to walk and he did not want to talk. We were just standing there. We did not want to go back and in this moment we were not moving at all. I felt his sadness. I moved closer to him and hugged him. I saw a tear fall down on his cheek, in the same moment I felt my tear on my cheek. Now the tears flowed from us. I felt our heartbeat.
After some time there were some small birds which drew our attention. We heard them quit when they flew between some bushes and trees. My horse saw the grass growing there and started to walk. When we got there he started to eat from the grass and I sat down beside him. I took out my tool from my shoulderbag. I picked up the tool connected to my will and started to brush it with a steelbrush. It was rusty. I looked at the stone I brought, that was lying there in the grass. My symbol for understanding and also connected to my heart.
It was quiet and peaceful, we sat there for some time. It felt good to be there. Important and precious. It had been mostly cloudy all day, now the sky cleared up.
We were interrupted in our doings when the sunrays hit us. There was a good view up here from the hill. We both looked up and saw the sun over the horizon. It was a beautiful and clear view. We felt good to be here and we knew we were preparing for a journey.

Week 2 with Master Key Experience #MKE

The ride begins

I have a blueprint. It is made of thoughts, feelings and beliefs. In that order. It is a creation. My thought creates a feeling that forms a belief. It is a cause and it produces seeds of habits.

My habits of thoughts, feelings and beliefs, my blueprint, my world within wants to manifest in the world without.

I take action and get a result from that, an effect in the world without.
It is understandable, I accept it.

Master Key Experience wants to learn me how to think for myself.
I am interested in that, I want it too.

How do I learn that ?
There are some keywords in how. Honest – Open minded – Willingly.
Let me taste that.
Yes, it has to be like this.

Willingly ?
Willingly with resistance to be honest.

I go down to the cellar, there he is, my horse. He looks at me, not happy. How could you leave me here for so long ? I am overwhelmed to see him. He is a working horse, not a championship jumping horse. He is angry, and has an accusing tone in his voice. He is blaming me and I feel so guilty about it. I take him out. There is a high density of feelings between us. We are not in the mood for quarreling now. We both want to go, he is rusty. Not in perfect condition and it has been a long time since I sat on him. We need to get in contact again and need time for bonding together.
I jump up on him and we start to walk. We find a path that is bumpy. It is a bumpy ride at the beginning and my horse is grumpy. We reach a field and I take the opportunity to turn the soil. We both like to be here but suddenly there is a noice and my horse get scared and takes off in a short run before I manage to stop him. That makes me lose my grip and I almost fall off. Still on the horse we continue for the goal with the ride today. We are on the way to pick up my toolbox. It is near the field and we reach the toolbox. I open it and there they are. I can see them now, my tools. It was quite some time since I used them. There are layers of them. I can not see them all. I need to remove the upper layer to see the next more clear. I take the first one up, it is connected to my will. It is my old tool, I used it a lot. It fits my hand and it is rusty. It needs maintenance, to oil and sharpen it. When I hold it in my hand I turn around and look my horse in the eyes. He looks at me, still a bit grumpy, but I see a glimpse in his eye. Of course he wants to be here, he is meant to be, he is a working horse.
We walk back, it is enough for today, both satisfied with this day. We know there are many things to do in the near future and that we will spend a lot of time together.

Week 1 with Master Key Experience

I have started a course at MKE, Master Key Experience. I am now posting my first blog ever writing about thoughts and experiences through this course.
First i will present myself briefly. I am Per-Olof Söderblom, 55 years, never married, no kids and 3 years ago I became sick and burned out related to a stressful situation in my job at that time as a teamleader in maintenance and care of parks and garden.
I’m not fully recovered from it and a contributory cause is that I have been hesitating around what I really want to do.
This course is to find out what i really want to do and move towards it. It will last 26 weeks and it’s a requirement and mandatory to post a blog every week at Facebook and Twitter. It is also required to write in English. It’s also a challenge because it’s not my first language.
Who would have thought that i would do this. Not me, that’s for sure.
Why am I doing this ? Except the requirement, I have felt very stuck in my situation for a long time. I have not been able to have creative thoughts around my future and my will and desire. I am tired of it from the bottom of my heart. I want to change and move forward.
This first week have been challenging for sure. I have written a draft DMP – Definite Major Purpose. There are daily studying and routine requirements in the course to follow. I’m exhausted.
I have just started to work as a caregiver in a psychiatric ward. Is this what I really want to do ? Well, not really. It’s a job and I feel good to have a job compared to be unemployed.
At the same time I’m doing this course, I feel excited and emotional about it. I feel like I am cracking my shell and stirring around in my pot. In this motion I have already experienced many emotions. Some is good to keep, emotional seeds to put in nutricious soil. Some is not worth to keep. Let go, Let’s go, Let’s grow.
There are connections that is located deep within. I will not do deep diving with details here and now. I’m sure it will come later on. Some feelings have been buried, hidden and denied for a long time. It’s natural that I become emotional when they move up to surface. Are there any fears here ?  Yes, there are !
This course is done by hands on support by guides. It’s a PIF – Pay-It-Forward scholarship paid by last years students. I’m so grateful and touched by this helping hand from them.
Another big help is the forum where we can post comments with the other members and students. It’s 400 this year. I am not alone, we are here together !